This is day five of a six day series expressing my time, day by day, spent in silent retreat at Abbey of Gesthemani, December 10-17.

The old guys have gone. The two women too. 
It’s Friday; clear out day. 
But not for me.
I signed off for the entire shebang. I am here until Monday, sitting quietly as the others begin to test their voices through saying their goodbyes.
I thought it odd, yesterday, to see a group of these guys gathered on the ‘talking’ porch, carrying on quite the good time.
As they began to leave today I discovered why the easy discourse. In their goodbyes, each said ‘see you next year’. It appears I have happened upon a group of fellas who gather regularly at Gesthemani to say nothing to each other.
I like that. 
Getting together and not saying a thing. 

This has been a difficult day for me. Each day has had a layer of laconic to it. As if the very air of this place makes one drowsy and ill-sensed. Yet today I can’t catch my rhythm. I spent a great deal of time in meditation this morning. It was a very good, great deal of time. I suspect I should go ahead and give myself license to not have the will or ambition to do much else as the hours pass by, but I don’t. Going easy on myself is not a gift I have opened yet~
I also took an awesome walk at sunrise-well what should’ve been sunrise if the sun could’ve popped through the clouds. I meandered over several of the 400 acres of farmed, wintered lands. It was a thrill to get lost, and yet not be lost in the end.
There’s a metaphor fit for this place if there ever was one….
I again went out to visit the cows an hour before lunch. They and I had some good time together before the bells tolled much too soon and I hurried back to the missed first segment of Sext-the Liturgy of the hours for the 12:15 time. No matter. Standing in the back I was the only one there. 
The old guys have gone. Just me and the monks, and assorted cleaning staff, generously asking me if I need anything, or if they can give me fresh towels.
I get to be here. I remember now.
I’ll go untuck my tail and take another walk and recall that not doing was the intention of this doing, and sink back into the rhythm.
The weekend retreatants arrive any time now…..
new old guys to admire 🙂