The law of personhood is that the only way one ‘has’ oneself at all is by giving oneself away~
catherine mowry lacugna
What is confidence exactly
and where does it come from
exactly?
I don’t mean the kind of confidence that stands in front of a crowd and tells them they know just what is needed.
I mean only the true confidence that is such heart-rending-weeping
-weakness-
and seeps through ones pores and
no longer able to be confined
drips into the world unabashedly
yet unabashedly is
quietly, peacefully, gently, flowingly.
Where is this confidence
exactly
from?
There is no power over, there is only power with~
richard rohr
Is it wisdom of age…
or only days worn down…
is it experience of practice…
lessons learned…
is it faith held tight…
is it none of these
really….
I sit lie really on my brothers floor
legs across the sofa with spine laid flat against the floor
pressed flat
I think into why I am here
Australia
There are so many reasons
deep reasons
shallow reasons
reasons I do not even let myself know.
They my brother and dear-precious-forgiving-accepting sister in law are away
I am here alone
No Tegan their dog
no brother
no sister in law
Just me
the floor
the paper and ink I smear and spread
this bottle of Australian Shiraz
and Spotify
I am in Australia
I have been here three weeks
and true to form
it has nothing to do
my being here
with Australia
with encaustic
with ‘career path’ or ‘course’
but everything to do with growing up already
and wisdom
and root sinking lessons
and just now
and just this
God
Life happens doesn’t it
Why do we
insufficient humans we are
get to live so wide open and alive
My God What
you trust us with…
my god
insufficient human I am
in love.
trish