I love you
I said it upon waking not a preaching from the self-help gurus but
written on my mind’s eye like lipstick across a bathroom mirror
a simple question ensued-
irrespective of how we’re ‘meant’ to feel and certainly unshackled from what other people may think-
what would happen if I loved and respected myself enough to endure
or to trust enduring
or to trust that enduring was a life worth living
worthy of my life
my son called it a need for radical self acceptance
it struck a note worth playing again and again and again
when the head lifts from the pillows and the last vestiges of the past held together by rotted strings
falls away it is so obvious I wonder how it’s taken so long
I can carry on with modest indifference the work is not beyond me
to imagine on another face the features of judgement
but I am inside my own eccentricities as they attempt to stand aside from their shadows it is a dance of discovery and uncovery we all learn to master in degrees
So I am here now untopping the tube twisting up the waxen fuchsia finger and smiling as I write this note to self
my best friend has always been
this me