but tied to it is hope
the desire to be alone goes all the way down to my bones
it is not a want but a need
I let it be believed that it is an illness
tripped up by gut brainstorming that’s caused by mind to go dark
it’s not that
but the truth will cause issue pain to another and I want for not that
either more than
so I will my self to stay calm to remain focused on sympathies other than my own
to twine care to the rope of this neediness so that it’s pull is not quite so taut
I can know that someday hopefully soon this desire will come true
the perspective will clear and maybe even I will remember what it is I am doing here
surrounded by others maddening habits presupposed assumptions regurgitated
as if the same old me is standing in front of them amidst these new wrinkles and spots
burping up the same old story newly veneered in a fine sheen of acceptance