were I to believe my earnestness then you don’t matter
what to make of the carrying of this weight
then shed were it possible the assessment the searching what is left after
the acknowledgement no longer comes the admiration sloughs off the thing I thought was what it was
isn’t
truth has always mattered all the words made sense until they didn’t
and I turned back on myself to realize I had lived a grand dream
and it was good
but it wasn’t for me despite how I held so tightly
waking what is left
a soul turning toward the sun
another day rises so that must mean even if no one else knows it or matters
I am alive
and I am living