I don’t, him
not in this
determination
whatever the opposite of lazy is
he says all the right things but there
it’s what’s behind all the words isn’t it
always
sure no one is entirely untrustworthy nor
entirely worthy
so the scale is tipped currently
you could say
no don’t worry I am not giving up
but it’s a shift for sure
I have always known I would have to tow my own
and there would be little space for letting down my guard
or guarding
my heart/ own determination
so perhaps it’s just a new callibration
he says he’s coming home
yet again
as if the economy is ruling his choices
so there it is judgement
the sword I profess to least want to weild
and I go ham
perhaps he deserves it
only though in this instance
there is the history after all
fraught with loss and heartache
what of that
and what of making his way out of it all
that has to hold some merit
some nod to living not just
being alive
could I possibly have married versions of my mother
twice?!
This is all on me…